Sunday 7 July 2013

My reduction of smoking!

I'm not one of those super strong people who can just stop smoking completely without looking for a clock tower.  I've tried to quit smoking probably a billion times (not quite), it is soooo hard.  I thought I would give it a try again, this time I seemed more motivated than all the other times I've tried to quit.  The extra motivation also gave me more confidence than I expected.

Now, how in the friggen frick am I going to do this?!  Smoking saved me from awkward social situations, end a meal quite rightly, wake me up in the morning, keep me company in the car, kept boredom at bay, I use smoking as a reward for everything I do.  This is going to be hard I thought.

Okay.... well.... sigh.  I will start really small and put absolutely NO pressure on myself and I will see how far this will get me.  I would like to add that I love smoking.  So first things first, I started to wait as long as humanly possible to have my first smoke of the day.  First it was an hour, and then 2 and then the next thing you know, I wasn't having my first smoke until 1:00 in the afternoon.  I usually get up at 9am, so not too shabby for me.  I stayed here for a while, until it felt normal to have my first smoke at 1pm.  Believe it or not I was already feeling the side effects of not smoking as much, such as lungs burning in a spot or two, tight chest ( I thought I was having a heart attack a couple of times), restlessness, man oh man the hunger, I've never been more hungry in my life.  It wasn't because I was looking for something to do, I was physically hungry.  I even had some nausea a couple times, that was the worst!  Then I started snapping at my boyfriend, poor guy haha, oh well my turn is next when he decides to quit.  It was completely out of my control, I thought to myself, what kind of crazy banshee am I?  It didn't last too long, or I'm now used to treating everyone like my slave worker.  No, I think it's passed, I know this because my boyfriend has a normal look on his face again.  Before he looked like he was living with an air horn that would give a good blast at random.

I seemed to plateau at having my first smoke at 1pm. I'm really comfortable here, but it's not good enough.  I started poking 2 rows of holes in my smokes to make it hard to get lots of smoke, it felt more like pretending to smoke.  well, wouldn't you know, I started smoking like a friggen chimney!  Non stop, all the time, I couldn't get enough no matter how many times I went out side and sparked up.  I thought screw it, I'm obviously not getting enough and that's why I'm going out every 20 mins.  I kept at it, and after a week and a half ish, smoking like this was starting to feel normal.  SWEET BANANAS I'm onto something here!  *fist pumps the air like a dork*

So eventually smoking like that felt normal, and again I tried to wait as long as I possibly could without smashing the poop out of random inanimate objects to have my first smoke of the day.  What I'm trying to do here is cut the relationship of smoking and habit.  I need to learn how to deal with the triggers slowly without stressing myself out, if I feel like I can't do it and I cant take it any longer, I don't worry about it, I just go have half a smoke and I try harder next time.  This method is working really really well for me.  I'm proud of myself, I'm doing what was said was one of the hardest things you can do - QUIT!

Food is tasting different, it's better, I cant believe how good I smell and I have so much more energy than I used to have, I wake up much easier in the morning.  I feel like a normal person.  This is awesome.  I'm also setting a better example for the little one.

So, where am I now?  I'm happily smoking about 2 - 3 smokes in the evening.  It's been weeks since I've had a smoke before 7:30pm.  I'm having a hard time moving forward at the moment.  It's really rewarding to have that evening smoke after all the stuff-doing of the day. Later when I'm feeling a little more ambitious, I will continue reducing how much I smoke until I smoke no more. :)